At least now a day, there is no perfect woman who can do everything, who has the ideal body, who has time enough for everything and many other things. However, day to day, many of us try to achieve that perfection, trying to manage the various aspects of our lives, i.e. work, family, friends, partner and personal care. This is the “Wonder Woman Syndrome” which invaded us and never satisfys us, even though we are really good in many things. We have a complex about not being good in all domains of our lives. Neither at the pole of motherhood, or professional growth, nor being a housewife, or the body that we are, make us feel entirely complete. It is still hard to weave this acceptance.
THE ORIGIN OF FEMALE COMPLEX
The origin of the female complex lies in the lack of identity. When women, rather to strengthen on themselves and accept themselves fully as they are, they need to respond to an external model, they go straight to be slaves of their complexes. What happens is that most of the complexes are based on the idea that we have to be a certain way, to conform to certain standards of beauty, especially what we see in the media and the collective imagination of what should be. If we are not like the model, then we do not accept ourselves, and if we do not accept ourselves, we get a complex.
One factor that had much to do in the emergence of the complexes of the present woman was the female entry into the labour world decades ago. This brought, as the fine print of a contract, trying to do everything right, flawless, perfect in all areas of our life. From that moment, our gender was yanked more than ever between the two poles of what is and what should be.
COMPLEXES THAT TORMENT US MOST
We always see ourselves worse than the way others see us.
There are complexes that are very common between this day’s women. Obviously, there are the physic complexes, i.e. the wish to have an ideal body, the fear to the wrinkles advance, the obsession for cellulite and stretch marks…, and thousands more issues that each one has with her body.
But there emotional complexes also exist, such us the guilt for not making time enough for our children. Or even the guilt complex for not having children. It seems guilt complex arises from lacking something, from incompletion; if it is not about our body, it is about our progress, or the time management… just like a hunger that is never satisfied. ‘I am at work, but I can never be for long at home’, ‘I have done plenty with my kids, but I have not grown in my profession’, ‘I am smart, but I do not make time to my body’.
We obviously go through life compulsively accepting female myths and clichés which do not help us at all to love ourselves more. It is not wrong to have ambitions and waiting to outdo ourselves constantly, and for all that self-criticism is useful. But when this attitude fills many areas of our lives and the only thing we feel is frustration, tension, and the sensation of not being present enough or not being good enough, there is when the red light is on – we are here but we also want to be there, somewhere else, doing or being something else, always yanked.
HOW TO OVERCOME COMPLEXES
We have to work on strengthen our self-identity, own criteria, and wishes, and, above all, know which is our mission in life. Starting from there, we can have referent models as well, as long as they do not affect our capacity to love ourselves. Thus, as long as we know what we want, what we care about, what matters to us and we have our priorities in order, we are going to be much more tuned with ourselves, which make complexes to have no place.
Searching for harmony in all aspects of life is completely natural and healthy. Also, taking care of what we need to feel and look good is very good for our mental health. But as long as we accept and love ourselves we are going to be able to look good, nice and attractive, and only from there we are going to like and be loved by others.
Obviously, there will always be something we do not like from ourselves, but we have to work on our strengths and accept – and even come to love – our weak points. The more we accept what we do not like the more we can integrate and live in harmony. Be constantly fighting our own image, parts of our body or our way of being is against ourselves and will not generate anything good.
It is about choosing, connecting with what has been achieved – which is probably a lot – and creating our own standards from the physical and emotional health, i.e. be sure which ruler we use to measure ourselves. To learn to see ourselves in a more objective way and unstained by our complex, Andrea proposes a series of questions that can help us build our own molds:
– This I think of me, is an inherited belief? What would my own?
– How would I like to be beyond what others have said, a supposed “should be”?
– This I think “I must be or have”, Have I taken it from some media? Whose is this paradigm?
– If now is not time to create my own paradigm and mold, when will it be?
We must encourage ourselves to create our own mold. When we personalize this election, we can be more creative in our own lives and our ghosts disappear. We begin to feel in harmony with what we are and have, knowing that we could change it; but without pressure or mixed feelings. It is all about to start being aware of our complexes and try to work them gradually to put them aside.